Ok Sunday evening I slept most of the time. I was happy to be home.
Happy to be in my own bed but struggling to get comfortable, I finally drift off to sleep for the night.... 5.30 I awake in a little pain, Dave bless him goes and gets me a glass of milk and some pain relief and I settle back to sleep.
Will I get used to getting up in a morning to have my breakfast made for me!! especially when I do not normally have breakfast..... who knows !!
District nurse visits toady to check on me. I know her and we chat for a little while before she dons on pinny and gloves to inspect my leaking wound. Out comes the probe and she confirms a 7cm cavity and proceeds to pack the hole with sorbisan. The theory of this is so that the wound is kept open in order that the fluid can drain out, if the wound closes before the drainage is complete then it may become infected or build up as it had before it had been able to escape.
The opening is now 1.5 cm, probably wasn't before it was probed but needed to be opened a little in order to pack. I don't like it, it was not painful before and now it is. The pain relief is not working and I am thinking more and more. I get myself worked up and upset. Of course there is a cavity ffs I have had my ovaries womb and cervix removed there is bound to be some gaps in there! the drain tube came out with no packing needed so why mess with this opening?
I know the theory behind the actions but I cannot rationalize. Its my body and it now hurts and I am angry, so I shower and remove the dressing and packing. I cannot stop crying, what the fuck is wrong with me????
The district nurse calls again and documents my refusal to allow the packing. Thing is I am now thinking damage has been done and may be beyond natural healing now, why oh why couldn't they have left it alone? what if it had started healing and sticking a probe in had opened it up and disturbed the natural healing? they were not concerned in hospital, Doc saw it Saturday and Sunday morning, if it was to be worried about wouldn't they have been worried? ughhh I'm so confused, I have a multitude of feelings and thoughts confusing me.
The district nurse in me knows the correct and most effective treatment.
The patient in me is sceptical and very confused and emotional.
Which way do I choose? I don't know any more, I am so confused, I don't like feeling like this its like I have no control...........
Help........
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