OMG ..........I am not Superwoman after all !!!

It's Tuesday, good nights sleep, feel good this morning.

Dave is shouting at me because I am clearing the dishes from last night, I cant stand to see them ughhh, I'm only filling the dishwasher and wiping down the worktops, that's not much ....is it ? can't do any harm, can it ?

Lunch eaten, dressing done by the nurse (minus the packing!) and I have that INR appointment immediately before the Lymph oedema clinic appointment. I am fine, feel good so lets go!.

The walk from where the car was parked was a long slow one to the path lab but I was seen almost immediately. INR is good, just about in range, next visit next week and off I go for that long slow walk back to the car.

Dave then drives me to the door of the next place I have to go. The unfortunate thing is the corridors I have to walk are very long, well they seem to be, but I am walking slowly! I finally get there and don't feel too well. I clearly do not look well as the therapist sits me immediately and tells me I should have cancelled the appointment. After examination she is pleased the lymph fluid has reduced, orders me more therapeutic garments and makes me an appointment for 6 months time. I leave through the side door thus avoiding the long corridors.

Driving back towards home Dave is avoiding the pot holes and taking great care, bless him. I feel good, tired but my spirits are good after all I had just had two positive results re my health. So,I persuade Dave to allow me to call into a shop on the way home, just to get a replacement tumble dryer as ours has died.

Against his better judgement he parks up and I embark on the slow walk down the road toward the shop linking Dave's right arm. We get to the cobblers on the corner and OMG I feel ill, I feel faint and shaky and ugggh just unwell.......... think I've overdone it.
Take me back to the car I cry as tears flow down my cheeks, "I knew it I knew it" Dave shouts.

It scared me, I didn't feel very well, I will not be doing that again, no way.

The rest of the day I rested and slept.

Why am I waking every morning around 5 am ?? is it because of the hospital routine or my body asking for pain relief ?? the pain is not that bad more like an ache and occasionally my stomach muscles seem to tense really tight causing some discomfort.

My boss and colleague call this morning to bring me a lovely bouquet of flowers and card, its great to see some one different !! and to chat to some one from work. I still feel unwell and tired and they are not surprised by my revelation of the previous day, they know me well!! I promise I will not be doing it again........

Thursday I did nothing all day and did not particularly feel well either. Very tearful and feeling some what angry at being so restricted. I did not feel this bad after the breast surgery but I am told this is far more major, who am I to argue? just know I am not well !
To top it some one close to me has upset me and we cannot even discuss it to hopefully get some resolve, I feel like shit, physically and emotionally, I don't like it, I want it to all be gone....

Even Friday I am still feeling the after effects.

I am feeling unbearably tired and struggle to stay awake. I feel very tearful and don't know quite how to cope with the emotions or even why I have these feelings.

I even snap at my mum on the telephone and that upsets me, I call her back to apologise. Despite my confinement and medical condition it seems she still expects me to an extent sort things out for her, but she doesn't help matters by not attempting to help herself.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel better. I bloody hope so, can't continue like this, its horrible....

At least I know I am not Superwoman !!! lol