I'm discharged!

Well, strange as it is, I didn't realise how poorly I was last week until now when I feel hundreds of times better. Don't get me wrong I tire very easily and its so damn hard not to do things that involve your tummy muscles.

District Nurse visited on Monday and decided to gently probe my wound. She knew what a mard arse I was so was very gentle. I didn't feel a thing when she confirmed that there were no side ways tracking and she only went 1cm deep. hmmm does that mean I'm healing inside WITHOUT the help of the packing or that she was simply being too careful not to probe deeper?

Over the next few days the leakage got less and less and on Wednesday had stopped. On examination the district nurse confirmed the wound had healed and she would discharge me from their care.............SEE SEE!!!! I am soooooooo glad I insisted on no packing!! else to this day they would have still been visiting daily and my wound would still be open.........

Now I am healed I can have that long soak in the bath I have been desiring for days.
I drag the table with my laptop on to the bathroom so I can listen to my music and do just that, the classical piano pieces are so relaxing.
I soak for hours, regularly topping up with hot water using my toes on my right foot.
As the afternoon progresses and I am moving around in the bath I realise just how much I need my tummy muscles as I am beginning to feel pain, mainly down on the right side, something similar to the feeling of over working my tummy muscles during an exercise session.
Pain killers at the ready I get out, put on my pj's on and settle on the sofa.

Tomorrow I am going out with some old colleagues for lunch, we do this quite regularly, usually every few months. Its nice to keep in touch.
I know what I want to wear but they need ironing annnnnnnnnd according to the paper work I am not allowed to do any ironing for 6 weeks.
I hint but don't really like to ask Dave to do it for me. He doesn't take the hint so on waking I set to ironing my clothes. I don't iron them to the usual standard but at least they look less creased ! AND it didn't hurt!.......

I have letters I need to compose so get onto that job immediately. My intention is to carry the lappy upstairs when I go get dressed and print off the letters then.
Should I be carrying my lappy upstairs? probably not but I will take my time !!! and it has to be done .......
As I finish my last letter I get up to go get showered, I have an hour before I am to be picked up!!! who am I kidding!!! I have miss read the time and the girls pull up at that moment! OHHHHHHHH HELLLLLLLLL I am so embarrassed!
I am ready in record time!! they are laughing at me for mistaking the time!! and NO I did not print off my letters !

We had a lovely lunch but my God I was tired out! I slept for the next few hours after returning home.

Its when you do things as simple as lunch and you are tired out that you realise just how easy it is to over do it. Well maybe the ironing had a little bit to do with it as well as the rushed dressing !!

Every day seems the same.....

Saturday is spent much like Friday doing nothing! Omg this is soooooooooooo dam boring I cant bear it.....

The most exercise I get is walking to the toilet and back and out to see how Dave is doing in the garden.......... That's enough ! I feel knackered....

Dave has worked hard in the garden he wants it nice for me so I can sit out. Hes stripped and re painted the decking, cleaned all the patio and hot tub area, cut the lawn and trimmed the shrubs. Hes worked really hard, it looks lovely.
The clematis has taken over the end of the house and looks stunning, its in full bloom, thousands of small lilac flowers mingling in with the deep green ivy. Its a picture ............

New patio furniture on the decking looks a treat.

So, that's the highlight of my day !!! wow !

I even have a glass of wine with the delicious meatballs for dinner...... one of the best things my dear friend has given me is the recipe for those ...yummmmmm ... delicious.

So Saturday was pretty much uneventful but Sunday was good................

Awake again at 4 30 but this time despite the pain relief the aching didn't go.

I finally get up, feeling better for the exercise, seems that was what I needed. I start to unload and re load the dishwasher. Dave sits shouting at me and I promise I will stop if I feel any ill effects!!! spoke too soon, whilst wiping down the work tops I get a sharp stabbing pain in my wound area....oops I had better stop!

District nurse came early today I haven't even showered..we've known each other a long time so sit and chat for a while. No change with the wound. New dressing applied.

Oh how I wish I could soak in the bath......

Now I am bored, can't concentrate on a book, no one to talk to, I hate it!

Dave gets called to work and I am furious as he is on holiday this week, but hey he goes anyway. When he gets back he suggests I sit in the garden and he will cook a couple of sausages on the bbq to have in a bap. I am glad he did its lovely outside. Of course my lappy goes out too !

I call Shellie and invite them around, out come the beers and the swing ball! I then end up laughing at the incredible sounds coming out of Shellie's mouth as she battles to beat J at swing ball, my stomach is hurting with the movement looooooooooool

Then Dave and J get down to a serious game and hey presto they bloody well break it!!!! another swing ball bites the dust, same happened last year!.

Donna, my surrogate daughter and her partner call round with a lovely bouquet of flowers, card and box of Thornton's awwwwwwwwww I feel well spoilt !!

We have a lovely afternoon chatting and laughing. I have had a lovely day thank you all of you for making it so nice..............

I am tired now and hungry, every one has gone home and Dave sets about doing the dinner bless him.

My pale complexion has now been replaced with Rosy cheeks, seems that fresh air and company was very therapeutic.

OMG ..........I am not Superwoman after all !!!

It's Tuesday, good nights sleep, feel good this morning.

Dave is shouting at me because I am clearing the dishes from last night, I cant stand to see them ughhh, I'm only filling the dishwasher and wiping down the worktops, that's not much ....is it ? can't do any harm, can it ?

Lunch eaten, dressing done by the nurse (minus the packing!) and I have that INR appointment immediately before the Lymph oedema clinic appointment. I am fine, feel good so lets go!.

The walk from where the car was parked was a long slow one to the path lab but I was seen almost immediately. INR is good, just about in range, next visit next week and off I go for that long slow walk back to the car.

Dave then drives me to the door of the next place I have to go. The unfortunate thing is the corridors I have to walk are very long, well they seem to be, but I am walking slowly! I finally get there and don't feel too well. I clearly do not look well as the therapist sits me immediately and tells me I should have cancelled the appointment. After examination she is pleased the lymph fluid has reduced, orders me more therapeutic garments and makes me an appointment for 6 months time. I leave through the side door thus avoiding the long corridors.

Driving back towards home Dave is avoiding the pot holes and taking great care, bless him. I feel good, tired but my spirits are good after all I had just had two positive results re my health. So,I persuade Dave to allow me to call into a shop on the way home, just to get a replacement tumble dryer as ours has died.

Against his better judgement he parks up and I embark on the slow walk down the road toward the shop linking Dave's right arm. We get to the cobblers on the corner and OMG I feel ill, I feel faint and shaky and ugggh just unwell.......... think I've overdone it.
Take me back to the car I cry as tears flow down my cheeks, "I knew it I knew it" Dave shouts.

It scared me, I didn't feel very well, I will not be doing that again, no way.

The rest of the day I rested and slept.

Why am I waking every morning around 5 am ?? is it because of the hospital routine or my body asking for pain relief ?? the pain is not that bad more like an ache and occasionally my stomach muscles seem to tense really tight causing some discomfort.

My boss and colleague call this morning to bring me a lovely bouquet of flowers and card, its great to see some one different !! and to chat to some one from work. I still feel unwell and tired and they are not surprised by my revelation of the previous day, they know me well!! I promise I will not be doing it again........

Thursday I did nothing all day and did not particularly feel well either. Very tearful and feeling some what angry at being so restricted. I did not feel this bad after the breast surgery but I am told this is far more major, who am I to argue? just know I am not well !
To top it some one close to me has upset me and we cannot even discuss it to hopefully get some resolve, I feel like shit, physically and emotionally, I don't like it, I want it to all be gone....

Even Friday I am still feeling the after effects.

I am feeling unbearably tired and struggle to stay awake. I feel very tearful and don't know quite how to cope with the emotions or even why I have these feelings.

I even snap at my mum on the telephone and that upsets me, I call her back to apologise. Despite my confinement and medical condition it seems she still expects me to an extent sort things out for her, but she doesn't help matters by not attempting to help herself.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel better. I bloody hope so, can't continue like this, its horrible....

At least I know I am not Superwoman !!! lol

Why mend if it isnt broken??

Ok Sunday evening I slept most of the time. I was happy to be home.

Happy to be in my own bed but struggling to get comfortable, I finally drift off to sleep for the night.... 5.30 I awake in a little pain, Dave bless him goes and gets me a glass of milk and some pain relief and I settle back to sleep.

Will I get used to getting up in a morning to have my breakfast made for me!! especially when I do not normally have breakfast..... who knows !!

District nurse visits toady to check on me. I know her and we chat for a little while before she dons on pinny and gloves to inspect my leaking wound. Out comes the probe and she confirms a 7cm cavity and proceeds to pack the hole with sorbisan. The theory of this is so that the wound is kept open in order that the fluid can drain out, if the wound closes before the drainage is complete then it may become infected or build up as it had before it had been able to escape.

The opening is now 1.5 cm, probably wasn't before it was probed but needed to be opened a little in order to pack. I don't like it, it was not painful before and now it is. The pain relief is not working and I am thinking more and more. I get myself worked up and upset. Of course there is a cavity ffs I have had my ovaries womb and cervix removed there is bound to be some gaps in there! the drain tube came out with no packing needed so why mess with this opening?

I know the theory behind the actions but I cannot rationalize. Its my body and it now hurts and I am angry, so I shower and remove the dressing and packing. I cannot stop crying, what the fuck is wrong with me????

The district nurse calls again and documents my refusal to allow the packing. Thing is I am now thinking damage has been done and may be beyond natural healing now, why oh why couldn't they have left it alone? what if it had started healing and sticking a probe in had opened it up and disturbed the natural healing? they were not concerned in hospital, Doc saw it Saturday and Sunday morning, if it was to be worried about wouldn't they have been worried? ughhh I'm so confused, I have a multitude of feelings and thoughts confusing me.

The district nurse in me knows the correct and most effective treatment.

The patient in me is sceptical and very confused and emotional.

Which way do I choose? I don't know any more, I am so confused, I don't like feeling like this its like I have no control...........

Help........

I did go home............

Visiting time and Dave wakes me from my sleep.

The guy is still with his wife at the end of the ward, Betty is asleep on her bed awaiting her husband to visit. The young girl opposite already has visitors. It gets quite noisy in here and warm at visiting time.
I start packing all my belongings into my case, don't really care how I do it, no particular order, I just want to go home. There all done and ready. I wait.

I had already been told that the pharmacy close at 2pm so my drugs will be up by then I am thinking. I am watching the clock so decide to go and ask how much longer, after all it is gone 2pm. No nurses at the nurses station, where the hell is every one I want to go home, ughhh this is so frustrating and I am no longer a patient patient!.

I pop my head into the poorly lady's room, her daughter is with her and she recognises me. We chat for a few minutes and the poorly lady (I do know her name, just don't think it would be fair to disclose it) recognised me and remembered my visit to her the previous night and thanked me, I say my goodbyes and wish her all the luck in the world and leave her room. I feel sorry for her as there is no treatment for her, just symptom and pain management is the best she can expect, poor love.

AHHHHHHH a nurse! Hi any news on me going home? I asked. It was a new Staff nurse to me, despite me having been there for two weeks we had not met before. "Oh we are waiting for the results of your INR so the doctor can come and prescribe your warfarin". I see well that should not stop me going home should it ? have my drugs come up yet? is the paper work and referral done?..... I received a negative response to all my questions. I was told that I would need to wait on the ward for all of the above and if I insisted on going home then I would have to sign a disclaimer.

I am now very frustrated and quite angry, why? what difference did my physical presence make to the above? me being there would not alter the final outcome at all. I had witnessed patients being sent home and told they could send a relative back for the drugs and paperwork, so WHY had I got to stay put?, its funny to think that if they were in need of the bed then this story would read differently.

Dave decided to take my case to the car, he needed a fag break and could see I was getting more and more frustrated, so I logged on line to take my mind off things. shortly after Dave's return the visiting bell rang and every one gradually started to leave. Its now 4pm and I am still waiting to go home. The staff nurse enters the ward and asks Dave to leave, .....WHAT! hes waiting to take me home!...... "then he will have to wait in the day room, this is a ladies ward and he cannot stay when its not visiting time" was her response.

OHHHHH OH I see, its clearly OK for one but not another huh ? hmm OK OK, I packed away my lappy and wrote my name and telephone number on a piece of paper and handed it to the nurse at the nurse station on my way out...please give that to my nurse and ask her to call me when shes ready...........

I called into the day room where Betty was sitting with her husband. I told her I was going and why, like me she flipped and commented on the lady who's husband had been there all day, bollox she said bollox to the lot of them !!!! I could not agree more lol I'm going home !

The walk down the corridor is quite a long one I cannot walk fast. We get to the entrance to meet the wife of a patient of mine and stand and chat for a few minutes when...... my Greek Doc appears, "just in the nick of time" I say !! and explain my frustrations. He tells me my INR result and agrees with my suggested dosage of warfarin. Still no sign of my tenner!! He persuades me to walk back to the ward whilst he gets my drugs and appropriate paperwork.

I know its best to exercise after surgery but hello!! can't one overdo it !!!

Finally I am on my way home, I am feeling every lump and bump in the road, every turn as my tummy follows with the gravity. But, I am finally going home, finally...............

I feel liberated!!

I WILL GO HOME TODAY ...... I WILL !!!!

I've made my point, I grassed the health care up !!! even my lovely doc was concerned why I was so upset and offered to make it an official complaint..was it worth it I ask? she was clearly in a bad mood and maybe should be considering retirement, just that she gets spoken to would suffice.

Anyway Doc I am going home today aren't I? he takes a look at my wound, I show him how it spurts out when I stand up!! not bad he replies, no where near as bad as I anticipated (in his sexy Greek accent !!! ) Yes Dawn, no reason why you cannot go home..... yessssssssssssssssssssssssss! oh and do you have my ten quid you owe me ???? "I have no pockets"....he says, hahaha what an excuse!

I ask the nurse to get me a pad that I can position in order to walk to the bathroom without this fluid trickling all over the floor, I now need to shower and get ready to go home. OMFG! she comes back with an incontinent pad! what! I mean a dressing pad, I DON'T NEED AN INCONTINENT PRODUCT!, we don't have any she told me and went on about her business. Oh Jesus, what kind of a surgical ward has no dressing pads no way, I was in there last night helping myself.

I placed this huge nappy type product between my legs and across my groin in order to catch the escaping fluid, wrap my dressing gown around me to maintain my dignity, grab my shower stuff and hobble across the ward towards the baskets containing the wards stock.

Sure enough, there they were, exactly where they were last night. I made a point of letting this nurse know. How long had she worked this ward? no wonder she didn't appear last night as she said she would to do my dressing she had no bloody idea where they were kept ! well now she knew. She claimed she would be over when I had showered to do my dressing, I was not going to hold my breath.

Feeling fresh and clean and desperate to go home, I returned to my bed to await my dressing to be done. Made a point of letting the staff nurse know I was waiting, to be told she will be with me in a minute. I drifted off to sleep, not sure for how long for.

Peeping out from behind my curtains I could see no staff in sight. So yes, once again I did my own dressing, and proceeded to get dressed. Now all I was waiting for was my case to pack my clothes and belongings into, my discharge papers including my sick note for work and the district nurse letter, my drugs, and of course my husband to take me home.

Lunch time. Strange how the girl that had joined us last night was allowed her husband in by her bed side all morning and he was still here NOW at lunch time. Granted they were behind the curtains but you were still aware of his presence. Not like she had been operated on? as dear Betty pointed out as we gossiped about it ! she had been scanned and it had show she had some bleeding fibroids and will need surgery but hey !! so what !! can our hubbies come in and sit with us ? no...... We ate our lunch. strange how one can get fed up with food !! especially hospital food isn't it.

Gotta wait for Dave to come, can do nothing until then so I may as well take a nap......... see ya after my dreams.......

I am so angry but doing myself no favours...

Visiting over, Britain's got talent on TV. Young girl opposite back from theatre and nice hot chocolate to drink. I sit with the other two women and watch the programme, desperate to remove the hospital nightdress and replace with my pj's I check my dressing. Yes intact, Yes dry, yes I am going put on my pjs and be comfy.

L within an hour the fluid had seeped through and my nice clean pj bottoms were now bloodstained. I had another pad and thought I would just pad it up and make do till morning.

The poor young woman opposite had been bought back from theatre and apart from her obs and immediate medication she had been left with no buzzer to ask for assistance. I did tell her to shout me if she needed anything. I heard a shuffling and looked from behind my curtains and this poor girl only an hour after surgery was going to get her own drink as the staff had told her ages prior they would get her one and had not returned. I giggled with her as I was amazed how she had escaped from the bed, it was pumped up high and both side rails were fully up. I got her a very small drink and helped her back to bed.

Then my phone began to vibrate, it was mom. We are not allowed to answer on the ward so by the time I had made it to the day room it was too late. So I called her back, she was concerned, she could not get an answer from home and wondered what was wrong. I reassured her and then called Dave. He was busy with our drunk or drug induced son where many many stories could be told, but not tonight.

By the time I got back on the ward I was soaked, this dressing needed changing. Sister was dishing out meds, health care and enrolled nurse were exchanging pleasantries in the office, junior registrar was sat at the desk writing as I looked for the equipment I needed to change my own dressing. After asking for some saline, I was quite happily given all I needed which I found to be relatively negligent considering this trained staff member I would guess had no idea what wound I would be dressing or even who I was and what my surgery had been.

I proceeded to the bathroom, again not the ideal place to be changing a dressing but what can I do? As I am preparing my stuff I am listening to a staff member telling the poorly patient they had moved from our ward that day to shut up and go to sleep. No compassion only impatience, poor love I knew this would be happening at least on the ward she had us all looking out for her now she was shut in a room blinds down and told to shut up...this is a fucking caring establishment. No way ever would I leave my mum in this situation and her family were so caring I know they would be so upset if they knew. The nursing sister was already on her guard as earlier I had gone to see if the noise I could hear was this lady and the sister ran in front of me to get to her as she was about to climb out of the bed, but she had been making this noise for some time so sister was already aware of the poor lady's condition.

Any way I listened as I took off my dressing and cleansed the area. To my horror as I pressed my tummy the fluid spurted out like a water pistol onto the clothes I had dropped to the floor, not sure this would have happened if I would have been lying down, well better out than in so I began to press until it slowed down. On went the new dressing and I proceeded to put on some clean knickers and pj bottoms. As I am leaving the bathroom so is the healthcare I had heard telling the poorly lady to shut up and go to sleep, leaving her room.

I asked politely if she had a bag I could put these in, holding my pj bottoms and knickers in my hand she replied is there not a bag in the bin? As I explained it were my clothes I said oh it doesn't matter I will find a carrier bag.

This SO CALLED NURSE was clearly not in a wonderful mood.

As I entered the ward we had a new bed occupier, her husband with her. On passing I said hello. By my bed I found a carrier and proceeded to put the stained clothing into it. Suddenly the moody nurse appeared with a bag and was most put out that I had as I explained got a carrier bag.

Her facial expression was enough to tell me she was pissed off. I said to her "I did say don't worry I will find a carrier bag". Her next words were, are you going to turn out your light now as people want to sleep and it is gone midnight, her tone infuriated me HELLO? How old am I? How dare she even speak to a patient in that manner? None of us had been able to go to sleep any earlier than 1 am most nights due to ward noise next door or patient noise on the ward or even staff forgetting we were supposed to be sleeping, how dare she then ask me to turn out my light. And to say the ward were trying to sleep when the new lady had her husband chatting to her, was not right, she was simply pissed off with me and possibly pissed off with the world, by her attitude.

I retaliated, I was very angry, I turned out my light and said YES SIR! She replied well people are trying to go to sleep so I reminded her of the couple by the door and bellowed don't you dare start on me, it was quite funny as she left the ward she attempted to slam the door that's on a delayed hinge !!!! I was furious but I saw the funny side of that !!.

I sat for a while trying to calm down, lots of emotions were going around in my head, I wanted to cry ? why ? anger?, I am not good when I have been angered, often I will seek immediate revenge without thinking of the consequence, then often regret my actions. Or I will cry with frustration and anger feeling like a wimp, ashamed for embarrassing myself by crying! Or I may shoot my mouth off OMFG bad move because wow doesn't everything come out then !!!!... I sat and calmed myself...........

I got up from my bed in the semi dark ward and went to see the poorly lady, clearly very distressed and scared and restless. I sat talking to her holding her hand, only momentarily because clearly moody cow had seen me go in there and had fetched sister, in they both came asking why I was not in my bed, I said she is clearly distressed to which I was told and yes she's just had something for it, again I felt like a stupid little girl and returned to my bed feeling humiliated, wanting to cry, on route I apologised to the couple about my earlier comment and briefly explained my reasons. I then unplugged my laptop, gathered it up with my phone and walked to the day room. On the way I popped my head into the office where the BITCH was and said "just want to say you should think twice before the next time you decide to speak to a patient like a 6 year old", I refused to give her chance to retaliate and made my way to the day room.

I sat crying, I felt ...what did I feel? I don't know! I called Dave and asked the question "have you had a drink" his answer meant he could not come to collect me, right now I just wanted to get out of there, it was not to be and I was now going to cut my nose of to spite my face ........I was going to get so wrapped up in my own stubbornness that only I was going to suffer! I knew it, but could not back down!

I tried to chat with my best bud but he had previous commitments and was not really available. I chatted to Dave for a while on the phone but hey come on its starting to get boring yeah? after all is it such a big deal? He is a darling and always supports me but come on! my emotions were all over the place.

Well I sat there till 5am and was beginning to hurt. I shut down my overheating lappy and made my way to my bed. Making sure I closed the curtains totally I climbed into bed and lay there, lots of thoughts going through my head. 5.30 and the staff were starting their rounds, checking beds, patients obs, drugs round. Strange how that morning my obs (temperature and blood pressure) were not taken, nor was I offered any pain relief or antibiotics. I drifted to sleep, refused breakfast, refused bed to be changed.........again cutting my nose off ......

After around 90 minutes of light sleep I approached the nurse in charge and asked to see her. I expressed my concerns for the poorly lady, the way I had been treated and the fact that in my opinion the night team let the whole team down. She agreed I should not be doing my own dressings or seeing to patients and will be having a word with the staff involved. Somehow I feel this would actually go no further.

Staff nurse expressed that it would be possible I would not be allowed home today but I assured her I WOULD BE GOING HOME .. I was not spending another day in this ward, I asked her to get the ball rolling..........................

I WILL GO HOME TODAY..

I WON OUR WAGER!!!! BUT DONT THINK HE WILL PAY UP!!!

The wonderful staff nurse came to dress the seeping wound and had the duty doctor take a look too. A swab was taken as a precaution and bloods ordered AGAIN L

It was time I took a shower the serous fluid that had drained from my wound was sticky and although I could not see some bits due to the swelling I felt mucky so off to the shower.

On my return I sat in the armchair with a towel tucked into my groin to soak the excess fluid escaping my stomach. After lunch I asked the staff to dress it, still not having seen it myself. I felt good, that poison was coming out it had to be a good thing.

A lot was going on around the bed opposite, all family members were in and lots of talks going on. Finally they decided to move the poorly lady to a side room. Although this meant we would get a good nights rest it also meant if same night staff were on then the poor lady will get little care. I expressed my concerns to one daughter later that day who was most unhappy that her mother was still in this hospital.

Visiting and Dave and I went for a leisurely stroll to the hospital canteen. Took me a long time and in some ways I wonder now if I over did it ! too late to cry over spilt milk. We had a drink and I started the mammoth task of getting back! Was easier as we were walking down hill and once at the doors I could sit and rest. Dave bought me an ice cream from the shop and I ate it whilst walking back to the ward. Took my mind off the discomfort in my stomach.

There on my bed was a tray! They were waiting for me ! again after blood ! within minutes the handsome Greek VAZZ showed up full of smiles rubbing his hands as he is convinced he will win our wager and this was to be the blood sample that will confirm the winner. As we laughed about the wager he took my blood without any effort and as I understand will return in the morning to do it again. I told him about the wound popping, unfortunately no one else had!

I tried to rest but couldn't, just couldn't doze off. Then I felt the fluid trickle down over my leg ewwwwwwwww the dressing was full. I approached the new staff nurse, one I hadn't seen before considering I had now been here for two weeks. I asked if she could change the dressing. Very pleasant girl but also very forgetful too. In the end I asked for the appropriate dressings etc and proceeded to do it myself.

When you consider where the wound is and the fact that I am standing upright with no mirror other than my pocket mirror I proceeded to pad up this leaking wound. Later the same nurse commented how good a job I had done and said she would be back after visiting to redress it!!! Hahaha another one she forgot!!

I never did catch up on any sleep and now find myself in the day room enraged at the staff and looking to spending my last night in an arm chair. That can be tomorrows blog, I will get on with today's !!

Tea time over with, settled into a movie on my lappy and basically rested on my bed. Visiting! Dave, Damian Jenny and all 4 kids!! Wow so lucky only two to a bed normally!! But the kids were good as long as we fed them the biscuits and chocolates from my drawer!

Vazz appeared!! And asked for his money!! There I had it ten pounds in my hand ready to hand over!! Then I asked what the blood results were.......... he confessed I had won the wager but he had no pockets so no money !! haha ok and he gave me the dose of warfarin I had asked for the previous day. I offered a double or quits on my bloods tomorrow but maybe this man sends his money home or is beaten by the fact that I know my body better than he the Doctor ! who knows ......... He even popped his head in to say goodnight.......... how sweet........ J

 

 

SLEEP!!! What is SLEEP???

I have now had 3 good days, not too much pain and yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh finally my bowels open!! you may think OFFS but that was a triumph believe me!

Went for a walk down to the main entrance, treating myself to an ice cream, making a few telephone calls. Standing in the wonderful sunshine, thinking, I will go home soon if this keeps up. Can't wait to sit in the garden soak up the sun ........ if we get some that is !!

Back on the ward I enjoyed another hour long soak in the bath. Both visiting times seemed to run into each other no sooner had Dave gone home he was back again, I did manage to get around 30 minutes rest.

Blood and urine test results came back showing the antibiotics were appropriate for the urine infection but the blood cultures showed nothing ??? What was going on? The mild urine infection would in no way have caused all that pain, no way and my wound was red and painful to touch, but no, the consultant insisted all was ok there and the clips could come out. Unfortunately because I still had a temperature I needed blood cultures to be done again L I was dreading it, my veins had had enough.

They called BAAZ up, he was a very handsome Greek registrar. We had been teasing the lady opposite when he came up to her the night before to get her bloods, she chatted him up like a young woman would, I am sure if we could see he was blushing but it did make us all laugh including him. The nursing staff say he is very used to it, they also confirmed he was not married, courting or gay !!!! WOW ..... he arrived with all smiles, very funny very charming very good bedside manner. Firstly we disagreed on my Warfarin dosage and I entered into a wager with this handsome man as to what my INR would be the next day due to the small dosage of meds given to me. We shook hands on a Tenner and he agreed to meet me half way with regards to my dosage. He then proceeded to attempt the blood taking, PERFECT........................ no pain no multiple attempts, he was brill.

Then staff nurse came to take out the clips L I am such a baby! Anyone who has had them would know that there was nothing to worry about, that it doesn't hurt...it didn't!

Again a walk down to main entrance to buy some pop from the shop is the highlight of the day!! but wow does it take it out of you. Sitting there after my escapade having been unable to eat tea earlier I was now getting a little hungry. I was fancying a kebab or donna meat n chips hmmm yes with garlic sauce salad and some chilli yessssssssssssssssssss.

That was Dave's task!! And true to style bless him, he did it and there we sat in the day room, feet up, watching TV and eating a take a way! Only thing that was missing was the wine or whiskey and with hind sight I would have had him get some! Was very nice not quite like being at home but was nice.

Back at my bedside barely chatting online to my best bud I decided maybe an early night was in order and prepared for my bed. Here started the night from hell!!

Poor woman opposite had deteriorated throughout the day but seemed to be getting worse tonight. Several Hi Po's, (low blood sugars) hundreds of loo visits and as the night progressed she deteriorated. Night staff were, dare I say, most uncompassionate and at one point I myself freshened her up and helped her to get into bed. Seemed like every time we dozed off we were awake again and the staff didn't seem to appreciate it was night time ? The night was truly dragging, please, please help her to sleep then we can too!

They told the lady to stay on her bed as they had put her on a commode earlier and she had done nothing, poor woman wasn't emptying her bladder properly so was getting the feeling she needed a wee constantly. She moaned and groaned for over 30 minutes, drove us all mad to the point that I was about to put her onto a commode myself, one member of staff actually told her she had a pad on so as not to worry grrrrrrrrrrrrrr this infuriates me it really does.

They finally put her on a commode and she had an enormous bowel movement !!! how did we know???? You just think about it J. After this performance she finally went quiet. All I could think was this poor woman was building up to this. Strange things happen to the elderly when they are constipated or have urine infections as we discovered this morning when she actually told the Indian doctor she couldn't understand a word she was saying and if she knew what was good for her she would go back to where ever she came from and learned some English! Lmfao we were all gobsmacked and the poor woman's daughter was so embarrassed. But bless her, this was her condition talking not her.

My day is planned. I was having breakfast then I will be going back to bed for a sleep as was the rest of the ladies in my ward .... hahaha who am I kidding ?

I ate my breakfast and popped to the loo .OH MY GOD!! HELP!! As I sat down onto the lav I discovered this pool of blood on the floor in my knickers and PJ bottoms, it was coming from my wound, was this my biggest fear that the wound had opened up?. I was padded up and await the wound to be inspected. I am now going to have a pee and try to catch up on some lost SLEEP!!

 

pain

Wed 29^th April 2009-04-29

It’s now one week since the operation and all was going well initially but now there’s this BAD PAIN omg what a pain. It reared its ugly head yesterday I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t move, scream, breathe. The burning breath taking pain in my right side was unbearable. I thought I had actually pulled the wound open. I was rescued by the staff from the bathroom only to experience it again later that day.

Well I was not going to bed last night for fear the pain would grip me when I tried to get out of bed. The reason for this was the fact that when the pain gripped I made allot of noise and I did not want to wake the other ladies. I decided to rest in the chair all night, regularly being topped up with antispasmodic meds pain relief and morphine. None of which took the unbearable ache from my ass for being on it so long in this plastic coated chair.

Thank fully chatting with my best bud took up a large part of the night and Dave of course came on now and then mixing his chat boxes sending me messages meant for the female he was chatting to!!! Until it was time to try to rest.

Morning couldn’t come too soon because that was when I was going into bed. If I shouted in pain I wouldn’t be waking anyone. As I emptied my bladder took some morphine and climbed into bed I began to feel like I had died and gone to heaven. I slept through the drugs round, early morning tea, breakfast and even the consultants round..............but then it came.... The dreaded pain..........

I needed a wee and knew this was going to hurt badly.

The nurse asked if I was in pain, I was honest and said no but I added I will be in a moment when I try to get up so I need some pain relief please...but you are not in pain she replied and went onto the next patient. I lay there for a while cursing her under my breath, but the urge to wee got stronger and I had to make that move.

I gingerly rolled onto my side and sat on the edge of the bed in horrific pain unable to move, the incredible burning, stinging sensation took away my breath and energy, all I could do was cry. I asked the girl in the next bed to press the buzzer for me and she replied the nurse is in here. The nurse came over asking what was wrong and I told her , through my tears in a very abrupt manor that I had already informed her this would happen, she replied well ok I will be with you in a moment and went onto give out the meds to the other patients. I managed to struggle to my feet rather than to pee on the floor and started to hobble across the ward towards the lavatories, it was at this point when she asked me what I would like that I became rather rude and abusive swearing and calling her something that resembled a 4 legged creature of great weight, that provided our milk. I screamed at her through my tears and pain and finally made it to the lavatory, where I sobbed feeling so very sorry for myself and praying the pain would go away.

After composing myself I attempted the journey back to my bed. This is a very slow painful process consisting of little shuffles, terrified to straighten up, holding the right side of my swollen tummy cupped in my right hand whilst tears streamed down my cheeks soaking the collar of my lovely pale pink dressing gown. My bed looked so far away and I could feel every one’s eyes on me as I struggled to get to my bed.

It was at this point I demanded to see my consultant and accepted the morphine the nurse was preparing. I went back to the chair that had destroyed my ass throughout the night looking at my bed with hatred for causing the pain in the first place.

I was exhausted, I needed sleep, so topped up with pain relief I climbed back into my bed despite knowing I would be in agony the next time I needed a wee. As long as I remained still I had no pain, well no sharp pain that is. The bowels were of course going crazy with rumblings because they hadn’t been moved now for two days despite the regular sickly sweet laxative I had been taking. I was resting thank God and the pain was bearable.

A nurse came to take blood, she failed after two attempts and asked a practitioner to attempt. Three attempts later she asked her colleague to try. Seven times in all they tried until the blood was extracted from my collapsing veins leaving bruising, some that have become rather painful. A cannular was inserted so that I could have IV antibiotics. The pain I was now experiencing was miniscule compared to what I had already endured.

Then the registrar came, very nice Indian lady. She wanted to see my wound. In order for this I had to straighten my right leg .............. Jeezzzzzzzzzzzzz not a chance the pain was incredible. I don’t know if she did get to see the wound but I was certainly not liking this lady very much ! She noted that the wound was very warm and disappeared telling me she would tell my surgeon.

There I was, left sobbing, in agony with knickers and PJ bottoms around my thighs, no cover and a big gaping opening in the curtain where she had exited... somehow I really didn’t give a shit, just wanted the pain to go. The lady opposite came over for a good look and supposedly to help me ? GO AWAY FFS, LEAVE ME ALONE YOU NOSEY COW! went through my mind.

Contrary to some peoples beliefs NO I did not say it !!!! I just sobbed L

After the pain subsided and I had managed to console myself, oh and some more Iv antibiotics went through into my vein, I actually managed to struggle to a sitting position without screaming out, yes it was painful but by some miracle, not as painful as before. This was the start of relatively pain free days.

That night I took a 90 minute soak in the bath............ Wow I felt so much better. I was managing the pain at last.......................